Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (00:02):
I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor. From now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be, "Sir." Do you maggots understand that?
Recruits (00:14):
Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (00:16):
Bullshit. I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair.
Recruits (00:19):
Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (00:21):
If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day, you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized, grabbastic pieces of amphibian shit.
(00:43)
Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard, but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops, or greasers. Here, you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps.
(01:07)
Can you maggots understand that?
Recruits (01:09):
Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (01:10):
Bullshit. I can't hear you.
Recruits (01:12):
Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (01:15):
What's your name, scumbag?
Snowball (01:17):
Sir, Private Brown, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (01:18):
Bullshit. From now on, you're Private Snowball. Do you like that name?
Snowball (01:22):
Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (01:23):
Well, there's one thing that you won't like, Private Snowball. They don't serve fried chicken and watermelon on a daily basis in my mess hall.
Snowball (01:30):
Sir, yes, sir.
Joker (01:33):
Is that you, John Wayne? Is this me?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (01:35):
Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant?
(01:47)
Nobody, huh? The fairy fucking godmother said it. Out-fucking-standing. I will PT you all until you fucking die. I'll PT you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk.
(01:58)
Was it you, you scroungy little fuck, huh?
Cowboy (02:01):
Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (02:02):
You little piece of shit. You look like a fucking worm. I bet it was you.
Cowboy (02:05):
Sir, no, sir.
Joker (02:06):
Sir, I said it, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (02:10):
Well, no shit. What have we got here? A fucking comedian. Private Joker. I admire your honesty. Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and fuck my sister.
(02:23)
You little scumbag. I got your name. I got your ass. You will not laugh. You will not cry. You will learn by the numbers. I will teach you. Now, get up. Get on your feet.
(02:35)
You had best unfuck yourself, or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck.
Joker (02:40):
Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (02:41):
Private Joker, why did you join my beloved Corps?
Joker (02:43):
Sir, to kill, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (02:45):
You're a killer?
Joker (02:45):
Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (02:46):
Let me see your war face.
Joker (02:48):
Sir?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (02:49):
You got a war face? That's a war face. Now, let me see your war face.
(02:56)
Bullshit. You didn't convince me. Let me see your real war face.
(02:59)
You don't scare me. Work on it.
Joker (03:03):
Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (03:05):
What's your excuse?
Cowboy (03:07):
Sir, excuse for what, sir?
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (03:08):
I'm asking the fucking questions here, Private. Do you understand?
Cowboy (03:11):
Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (03:12):
Well, thank you very much. Can I be in charge for a while?
Cowboy (03:15):
Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (03:16):
Are you shook up? Are you nervous?
Cowboy (03:18):
Sir, I am, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (03:19):
Do I make you nervous?
Cowboy (03:21):
Sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (03:22):
Sir, what? Are you about to call me an asshole?
Cowboy (03:24):
Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (03:26):
How tall are you, Private?
Cowboy (03:27):
Sir, five foot nine, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (03:29):
Five foot nine. I didn't know they stacked shit that high. You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?
Cowboy (03:34):
Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (03:35):
Bullshit. It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress. I think you've been cheated. Where in hell are you from anyway, Private?
Cowboy (03:45):
Sir, Texas, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (03:46):
Holy dog shit. Texas. Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy, and you don't much look like a steer to me, so that kind of narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?
Cowboy (03:56):
Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (03:57):
Are you a peter puffer?
Cowboy (03:58):
Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (03:59):
I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you.
(04:07)
Did your parents have any children that lived?
Gomer Pyle (04:12):
Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (04:12):
I bet they regret that. You're so ugly, you could be a modern art masterpiece. What's your name, fat body?
Gomer Pyle (04:19):
Sir, Leonard Lawrence, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (04:20):
Lawrence. Lawrence what? Of Arabia?
Gomer Pyle (04:22):
Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (04:23):
That name sounds like royalty. Are you royalty?
Gomer Pyle (04:26):
Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (04:26):
Do you suck dicks?
Gomer Pyle (04:28):
Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (04:29):
Bullshit. I'll bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
Gomer Pyle (04:32):
Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (04:33):
I don't like the name Lawrence. Only faggots and sailors are called Lawrence. From now on, you're Gomer Pyle.
Gomer Pyle (04:39):
Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (04:40):
Do you think I'm cute, Private Pyle? Do you think I'm funny?
Gomer Pyle (04:42):
Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (04:43):
Then wipe that disgusting grin off your face.
Gomer Pyle (04:46):
Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (04:48):
Well, any fucking time, sweetheart.
Gomer Pyle (04:50):
Sir, I'm trying, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (04:52):
Private Pyle, I'm going to give you three seconds, exactly three fucking seconds, to wipe that stupid-looking grin off your face, or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you. One, two, three.
Gomer Pyle (05:06):
Sir, I can't help it, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (05:07):
Bullshit. Get on your knees, scumbag.
(05:12)
Now, choke yourself.
(05:15)
God damn it, with my hand, numb nuts.
(05:19)
Don't pull my fucking hand over there. I said choke yourself. Now, lean forward, and choke yourself.
(05:29)
Are you through grinning?
Gomer Pyle (05:31):
Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (05:32):
Bullshit. I can't hear you.
Gomer Pyle (05:34):
Sir, you, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (05:36):
Bullshit. I still can't hear you. Sound off like you've got a pair.
Gomer Pyle (05:39):
Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman (05:42):
That's enough. Get on your feet.
(05:48)
Private Pyle, you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cuff links, or I will definitely fuck you up.
Gomer Pyle (05:55):
Sir, yes, sir.